Today’s quotes came from the following letters Wise Readers generously shared privately and gave permission to re-print: (Letters were edited for length, and some details were changed to protect anonymity.) From a man: …. The most difficult part is deciding whether or not to tell potential dates about my “I’m almost officially divorced” status. I met this really great guy about 6 months after my separation.We dated for a couple months before she told me she was married but didn’t wear a ring because she felt divorce was imminent. From a woman: I [married young and am now separated at age 27]. I mean, I don’t think I need to tell a man when he just asks for my number that I am in the process of being divorced. At first I wasn’t too interested in him but I went on a date anyways and simply told him that I was divorced. I knew that when I said “I’m divorced” he thought that it was official…We only lasted a couple more months before the stress of seeing each other while she was still married overwhelmed us….. I just didn’t want to get into the whole “I’m in the process” conversation.We said we would take it up when the divorce was complete, and the house was sold. They even had another baby after we had our relationship. Well, this relationship flourished and we started dating exclusively.Some may be offended, but you needn’t attract the whole world, just one (literally) single match. He could be lying or unclear about his intentions to divorce; you could be wife-bait; the divorce could drag on for years. Starting a relationship during a divorce, when you both have kids and you don’t know the risks/circumstances, is just (warning, technical term coming) cra-cra.Think about how Stressful your own divorce was; now imagine yourself in *someone else’s*, where you have even less control and high odds you won’t be Priority #1: “….having to “be there” for anyone else only made my problems seem worse, and made it a lot harder for me to function just day to day.And evolutionarily speaking, women might accurately feel they are running out of time; with every decade past men’s 20s, guys who can snag ever-younger partners do, leaving straight women of their own cohort short of available mates: “….[My now-ex] said I had no right to date because we were ‘still married’, ha!We were only ‘still married’ because he was refusing the divorce!
Maybe they just want fun, sex, and a break from the bleakness.I was in my late 30’s and unprepared to spend the rest of my life waiting for him to let go as I watched the good men snapped up by other, younger, women….” As you’ve found, Dan, some of the not-quite-divorced lie to get a little contact.They might fear rejection; they may not have thought through the consequences.I felt really crappy although all my friends told me it was no big deal. We ended things about 6 weeks later because I found that I simply wasn’t ready to date someone exclusively. My divorce should be finalized within the next upcoming months. There are just so many variables that can make it complicated.I learned that I definitely needed time in between relationships. some do not ask me out again (I’m assuming that my I’m not-quite-divorced yet status may have something to do with it… Last week I went on a date with this guy and when I told him that I was in the process of getting divorced he said “so you’re married!? I would definitely recommend anyone considering it take the decision very seriously.